gotta job at Red Ribbon.

winter break was great!

and im not sure what to think of this...

do you still have feeligns but we are both afraid to admit it?

or are you just looking at this as just friends?

afraid to ask.

im pretty sure i still like you

i feel like i need to grab control of my life again.

Honestly,

i still think about you everyday.

i wish things were different.

i want you to still like me.

i want everything to go back to normal.

i want to text you all the time.

i want you to be the one i send goodmorning texts to.

i want you to be the one i talk to when times get rough.

i remember everything that happened between us, good or bad.

i want to tell you, but i can't.

i want you.

and i want to tell you that ....

i still like you.

25 Oct 2010

So it's 12:08 am, and I cannot sleep. Didn't do physics homework because I don't want to do it. The weekend was eventful. Starting with friday, school was alright. Shane, Chad, Chris, Robert and I skipped 8th block and bought Little Caesar's and went to my house to chill. Watched a little bit of the Granby tape from Kuya Danny. Then went to practice. After that, went home and took a 2 hour nap. Then me and ate went to Ghent area to meet up with YFAMD, cause it was Survive Norfolk. But Ate, Desi, Rudi and I weren't able to play so we just ended up going back home to watch High School Musical 3! Then once everyone got back from Survive Norfolk they told us their stories and what not and chilled at our place until like 1 or 2 in the morning. So didn't wake up until 12 pm on Saturday so exhausted from school. Then we went to Uncle Boy's house for lunch, and got my car fixed up. Went to Pep Boys got new wipers, now they aren't annoying and squeaky. Plus car smells good now. Then went to the mall, chilled there. Oh I found out that Sears in Pembroke Mall is hiring. So I am considering working there once volleyball is over. Oh yeah, today is Senior NIGHT, we play Wilson. But yeahh saturday night Laron, C.Lo, and Jo came over chilled. Then Kuya, Ate and Desi came over to drop off C.Lo's camera off, they chilled for a little bit as well. Ate signed off for my 200+ hours! So happy! But yeahh today was chill, got some new Levi's and a dress shirt for Uncle Narcing's birthday party coming up saturday.

Time for venting, LOL. So uh, thanks for like rubbing it in my face that you have moved on. All i heard friday night was Ian this, Ian that. But you know he has a girlfriend. But oh it gets better. Didn't you say you hate when guys flirt with other girls when they already have a girlfriend. But isn't that what's Ian doing? Flirting with you, though he already has a girl? Yeahh, way to be a hypocrit. SMF. But it's all good, I don't like hypocrits. But yeahh I am so glad that you didn't ask me to go with you to homecoming. Thank god. Just do me a favor and get outta my head. That is all I ask. Please and Thank you.

Note to self: Girls are nothing but problems.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM KARDASHIAN! =]

21 Oct 2010

So, I skipped Architecture class this morning to do my Calculus 2 Homework. It was rather frustrating doing the homework and not to mention the classwork today. I only skipped cause she said if we didn't do the homework she was going to call our home. Yeah now reality has hit all of us that Calc 2 is getting harder, we're learning integration by parts. oh joy! After that class, we go straight to physics. FML. I mean it's not hard when we do classwork and he's showing us on the board. Its rather easy. He is just boring, not sure if it's his voice or what, but he and that class is straight up boring. Got yelled at twice today. Once in Calc class for everyone packing up and talking during the announcements. The other was in english, not sure why. lol.

I wrote down all the homework I have for this weekend, and man oh man I am going to have no life. Physics homework, Calc Homework, Architecture project, College Applications and scholarships. When does this end, but I know when it's about June getting ready to walk across stage all my hardwork now is going to be paid off when handed that diploma!

Now, I really feel an interest in wanting to know more about photography and take more pictures. But I feel like I can't because all the loads of homework I have and no free time on the weekends. I guess life's about making sacrifices for things you love to do. I guess it's about time to sacrifice time for photography.

I can't stand people that are big headed, and get so cocky. Like I understand you have talent but come on now, your not that good to be talking. There are many other artists in the world that blow your stuff away. Now granted, I know my art work isn't good but you don't see me going around telling people that they're parents are making a mistake just because they don't want to pay $45 for senior casuals. You have a big ego about photography, I don't like that about you. Plus you're not that good anyway.

I think it's time for me to be myself and stop being everyone's friend. If I have a problem with you, than I will gladly let you know.

I need some sleep, but now physics homework!

thursday-saturday

thursday Oct14 ,

early release day. practice was alright, actually it was a really productive practice. Everyone has been improving on hitting, especially robert. he has been gettin them in and with a lot of pop. He made my arms turn red for the first time ever in volleyball.

friday Oct15, balled in the rain! rusty stepped on my hand. geeez. and went to ODU's Clash of Cultures night. saw YFAMD for the first time since forever. fun times. IHOP was stupid. We were there for the longest time ever, and didnt get back til past 12. Meet Clo, he's from Guam and is YFAMD's newest member.

saturday- woke up at 12. hah. went to go ball at sherwood. then manolo's party. volleyball tournament. party was fun.

side notes.

-yes i still care, and i do still have feelins for you. But honestly if you got over me that fast, than you obviously didn't have true feelings for me. But why do i still catch you looking at me? Please don't come back and say that you want me back. Because just to let you know, you pushed me out first. It was your decision to be just friends and to not text me anymore. You went off and talked to some other kid.

october 13

soooooo today was SENIOR FEST. yeahhh i hope class picture looks dope, i was in the front ohh yeah! next to tyree, DQ and shane. it was fun, senior fest was alright though, it didn't amaze me nor was it whackk. Had donuts for breakfast and than had hot dogs for lunch. say word! than went to physics. OMG it was so boring, almost fell asleep like always. than went to english, it was chill.

After school, went to shane's house for chicken and chillin. We played couple games of billards and Xbox. haha it was fun, it was like last year but except at my house. Than watched the girl's volleyball game, and they won i think in 5 games. but we just watched the cheerleader's do their competition set, it was alright hope they win districts again. [3PEAT!] then we played a couple games of basketball in the back gym haha, we were sweating bullets even before our volleyball game against norcom! mann bad idea. i mean we won, but the first game we played like crapp, cause we were so tired from ballin'. haha so many scares of gettin their foot stuck in the bleachers again. LOLOLOL. funniest thing i've witnessed. man oh man.

So next friday I want to do the Survive Norfolk thing, its like a huge game of tag in ghent! haha it gonna be bomb! Today was good, I thing I finally got over you, I haven't really thought about you all day until now. haha But yeah, I think "just friends" is a good idea. I mean afterall, you are three years younger than I am, and yeahhh. Keep up what your doing kid, your going places.

Side Note: I'm trying to get better at basketball, working hard at developing every aspect of my game.

OCT 12 2010

Woke up at 745am. It felt great to get like 9 hours of sleep. I wish i didn't have a first block so this can be true. Went to school, got my education on. Got new seats in physics class. Was not thrilled by the photo-shoot I had yesterday. None of the pictures interested me at all. So I need another day to go out and take pictures.

Went to the National Honor Society meeting today, it was chill. Robert had me weak. Then went to volleyball practice. Fun times as always. Crys and Trav were there! I miss those guys and the 2009-10 Volleyball Team. I miss it.

Talked to Imani for a little bit, you know just caught up. I noticed I haven't seen YFAMD in like 2 months, that's crazy. It's crazy how we can go from seeing each other like everyday to not even talking. Now listening to the Drake & Josh theme song. I miss the old shows that used to be on TV, man all these whack shows are on now. I sit here and reminisce about what happened in the past and can't believe that it's been that long ago. Oh how time flies.

Started working out again, yes I know that I am playing volleyball. But, we aren't getting a real workout during practices. We run 7 laps around the gym, then stretch, then hit. So I came home ate some popcorn. Then went outside shot some hoops, worked on my game a little bit. Came inside and did 50 push-ups, and lifted some weights. I wanna be in shape for the entire winter before tennis starts up. Tennis season I really want to make it far in districts and help my team win districts. It's my senior year and trying to end with a bang.

Side Note: Dedication and Hard Work is what gets me through every obstacle.

i hate you

october 6, 2010

today was probably the worst this week. there's always one. haha well classes sucked, found out i am failing architecture draw, which is an elective!!!!! stupidest class ever. then i had a headache all day long, but hey we dressed up as ninja turtles today! that was goood, got called cute so many times today. haha XD but yeahh i still really really like you, and just found out you like some one else. =[ so yeahh it takes me a while to get over girls. ha. but i mean now questions start to come in my head like "were you afraid to make our relationship public?" "you lied to me?" "did you really like me?" i mean ghadd i hate girls. but liek my friend said "no girl, no problems right?" i gues that true. man shes the only thing that's on my mind right now. and i hate it. i kinda wish that "we" never happened. all the stress and confusion that i and even we had for the past couple of months has just been complicated. i wish my life was simple. AHHHHHHH. ugh. i hate this. but anyway, we lost to booker t today. mann people keep playing scared its gettin annoying, either play or sit the bench, volleyball isn't a sport to be scared of, itsj ust a ball. come on now. from now on im just dedicating my time to school and volleyball and photography. i don't wanna get hurt anymore, if you actually think about it the past couple months basically meant nothing. i knew this was too good to be true. i told you, i told you so.

you know...

there's a lot to me than you, and even i know.

everyday i am constantly discovering something about myself that i did not know.

I bet you didn't know that....

1. i love disney movies.
2. i am very passionate about the things i do [hobbies]
3. i am very nice [some people say that i am a jerk and that i look mean lol]
4. i HATE liars
5. i cannot stand ignorant people
6. i dislike when people make assumptions
7. i don't care how you look, how you dress, how you speak, etc. if your a good friend than ill claim you
8. i can be funny sometimes
9. i am not good with girls lol
10. i am hard headed
11. i am stubborn
12. but ill listen to advice, and i will consider it
13. i love art
14. i like when girls do cute things XD
15. i don't care who judges me, but when ignorant people judge me i tend to listen.
16. i am shy
17. and i can be outgoing once you get to meet me
18. most of the time i just wanna chill
19. i cherish most of the things that i have
20. if you care about me, i acknowledge it and ill care abotu you too
21. i hate hate hate cocky people
22. my humbleness and modesty can be a weakness sometimes
23. im a big fan of NBA, only sport that i can watch and not get tired of
24. i enjoy tiring new things
25. i like people around people with good vibes
26. if you got soemthing to say, say it to me first.
27. my family is a big big big part of my life.
28. i work hard, sometimes.
29. i like nature
30. being outdoors is a great feeling
31. i like playing basketball, tennis and volleyball.
32. i don't ask for much,
33. i like the feeling of when someone really cares about you, and you can tell.
34. i like making people smile
35. one thing that makes my day brighter is when a stranger smiles at me
36. i don't show much emotion
37. sometimes i feel like showing emotion is a sense of weakness
38. i don't really speak my mind, but when i do its powerful.
39. i regret slacking off in school
40. no matter how bad my day goes, i always try and keep my head up and look past it and smile.
41. i dont stay mad long
42. i am very forgiving, but this can also be a bad thing
43. i worry about a lot of things, too much.
44. i can be serious and funny appropriately.
45. i don't like texting people first not start a conversation first because i dont wanna bug you
46. i feel like if asking someone a simple question annoys them
47. i was raised believeing that i had a perfect childhood, because nobody ever told me the problems in my family.

today, took senior pictures. i hope they turned out good, but nevertheless i could care less how i look anymore. haha as long as im content with my self than ill be fine. DRESSSIN UP AS DONATELLO AND RUSTY SHANE AND JACK AS THE OTHER NINJA TURTLES!!!!! but yeahh in photo class we learned about this lady Lori Nix. she makes me hate photography. i mean her photos are absolutely amazing, and her idea/concentration is genius. [she makes diaromas of distratous situations and then photographs them.] like i juss wanna quit, but honestly i really am inspired by her. i wish to become as good as her one day maybe even better, but like i know that i don't have raw talent at photography but i keep workin on it and keep taking pictures hopefully they will be good. i really wannna do some in the arts, photo or maybe even dance? i really wanna dance, like its something i would do on the side during college. i mean i have performed plenty of times, just recently for Tatay's 85th birthday and when we were younger JAMM. so i mean im deff not afraid of performing. i just don't feel confident that i am good dancer. i would take classes on tuesdays but i jus don't like how people are forceful with cyphers. i mean all my childhood i [well im speakign on the behalf of me and JAMM] got forced to do things we don't wanna do. and dancing was one of them. we never came up with the idea of hey lets become dancers and start dancing for parties. we were forced to do it, and keep doing it for parties and what not. we had no say. i mean i actually liked dancing i didnt have a problem with that. but what i did have a problem with is that its our lives why do we have to do what you say? i don't like that, ive grown up to hate people bossing me around. i dont like it. i mean if someone really wants to do something they will do it. if they are too shy to cypher or dont wanna make a fool outta themselves then dont make them, it'll juss make them not wanna do it anymore. unless you know it turns into one of those cliche stories where someone made them do something and it turns out that they have a passion for it. blah blah blah.

october 4 2010

soo today i had the best banana muffins ever. they were soooooo goood. today was productive i guess, school for the most part was okay. it was funny i got kristen in trouble. i told her to do the entire worksheet, then she was telling shane what i said and mr grimes mad and said no everyone will do the whole worksheet. lolololol. funny stuff but calc 2 and physics is gonna be hard to get through this year. but yeahhhhh our game was fun. we won aganist churchland, and we were like madd hungry before the game started. ohhh side note. i really dont' wanna see you. i juss wanna stay in my room and rather not see your face, im afradi that ill get attached to you again and then ill be so hurt that you lost feeligsn for me. butt i really wanna know if you still do, because i mean i think the only reason you said you wanted to be friends is cause we haven't seen each other in so long and that you dont wanna keep me waiting. honestly i juss wanna be with you, i do. you make me feel like im good enough to be with you, sounds weird don't it. but i mean your what, soo outgoing and talented for sure. and im pretty shy and what not . your presence around me juss makes me feel indescribable, i feel like you'll always be there for me and i can always count on you. i really dont know what to say, its just hard to explain how you make me feel. i still remember our talks, i still remember when you said "why do you have to be three years oldler than me?" i thought that was cute, it made me feel like you really wanna be with me. but yeahh i mean i guess from here i have to juss move on. which brings me back to my point i dont wanna see you. but yeahh so i need a job, i really wanna get some jordan 5's and jordan spizike. and some hats either some snap backs or San Jose Sharks hats or juss some fitteds or pinoy hats. yeahhhhh its almost the holiday season so i really wanna geet a job and buy my family something. i feel like im at an age where i should be buying presents for my family by myself. you know what is the hardest question in the world to answer? "tell me about yourself" im like that is the hardest thing to reply to, i hate when girls do that its juss something you gotta find out yourself. mann like i dont know how to describe myself, because i dont wanna be mean to myself nor do i wanna lie.

its a good feeling to always come back on here and see how i was before and how much i changed.

things have been very confusing and complicated lately on some other ishh. but its okay i guess? yeahh she said she juss wanted to be friends but we had a good run at it i guess? yeahh the entire summer was fun being around you, and i really liked it. i don't know any other girl that made me feel like that before. i juss wish we could have been you know? but i mean i guess all good things come to an end. but truthfully you're confusing me and i really juss wanna stop it if nothing is gonna happen cause i dont wanna be caught thinking something and you thinking something else. i know we haven't seen each other in weeks now, and im sorry, but i guess we juss weren't meant to be kid. but honestly, your always on my mind, no matter what i do my brain has to always relate it to you. just when i think and feel like i've gotten over you and forgot about you completely, you come back up. i dont know what to think of it. good or bad? guess we'll have to answer that question later on. but on another note, college is confusing as well i don't wanna go apply to a cali school cause its too much money and honestly i don't wanna leave this family that i have here. i know that i hardly will ever see them if i do go there. i don't wanna go to ODU unless i dont get accepted into any other school, i dont know its just not a school that really really interests me. i wanna meet new people and get away from home, and i know that you're thinking that cali is the best place to meet new people and get away but like i odnt know mann. juss college has a lot of things to take into consideration. but how am i? right now i'm sick and it sucks. but yeahh i really wanna pursue a minor in photography. i choose a minor cause i know im not good enough to be a major in photography. i would like to major in business and then maybe open up my own business. maybe a clothing store and/or a photo business. i really want a canon 7D. my dream camera. oh i finally cleaned my room, i need a job as well. i'm actually doing well in school.

my photos

http://www.flickr.com/photos/54483559@N02/

Tumblr.

reversed-macgyreved.tumblr.com

all of a sudden everything feels different now......

things went smoothly last week, but now it jus seemed to calm itself.

april 18 2010

so friday in leadership class we had this thing called "appreciation day" and we basically wrote down what we admire about every single person in the class, and our teacher put everything for one person on a sheet of paper and printed it out. the class and that entire day was great! like i read what the people in my class said about me and i was very surprised on what they said. like i didnt expect most of the tihngs they said and i was pretty happy about it. lol like most people said i was humorous. i didnt think i was funny but you know, i guess i am. haha. someone recognizes that i work extremely hard to stay in LCSE and i was so happy someone saw that! haha. it just surprised me that people see me as different as i see myself. so 2mrow is our last game of the season vs churchland! and then next monday is the district tournament. hope i do good LOL. but yeahh college is deff scaring me right now. honestly im not confident that i will get into a college that im interested in. like i know by graduation ill have LCSE, 200+ volunteer hours, extracurriculars, and honors to graduate with. but i feel that im not good enough for school such as UCLA, USC, UVA, VCU, etc. i know i should apply to them anyway but still i dont wanna get the letter of rejection. i regret slacking off in middle school and high school, cause instead of having a 3.02 and okay grades. i COULD have at least a 3.6 and great grades. the thought of "what if" i didnt slack off makes my spine tingle. like i just shake my head right now and just go on with my life. but yeahh i don't wanna leave VA but then i do. im stuck in the middle, like i dont wanna leave cause of the people ive met and i know ill miss my family. but then i do because i wanna meet new people and explore the WEST COAST, haha. Cali is where its at mannnn! haha. i just dont wanna basically "start over" with making new friends, and a whole new situations and what not. but hopefully i get acceptance letters from those schools i apply too! but yeahh, just recently my passion for dance has grown trendmendously, haha. ive just been wanting to dance again, i mean im not good at all but i still wanna try it. me and jo need to find jobs ASAP. but its hard finding a job that i will like, me and him have been talkin about starting our own business but the hard part is figuring out what kinda business! i mean im interested in clothing business, but i don't know. like hopefully we do becaus eentreprenuerialship is something i really wanna do.

Nike Zoom FP !

they're dope! =]

Nike Auto Force 180 !

want them baddd! =]