Monday November 7th 2011

A day before our 16th months.
I'm sorry.
Yesterday I told you that I didn't trust you.
But today, you told me you would take me back.
I'm grateful for this day.

So what happened was that we've been fighting so much lately and I really don't know why. You're stressed out and I know i'm getting on your nerves everyday. I always the wrong things and get mad or upset for no reason. I pretty much just make everything worse. So when you went to LA, we barely talked. It sucked. I was so sad, I was home, no one to talk too. All I could do was just wait for your text, but I pretty much never got one. I was hurt. I felt like I was forgotten, even replaced. I hated my fall break. I still can't sleep. Then we fought for about another week. Still, barely talking. Then you told me, that some kid was flirting with you. Why didn't you tell me this once you got home? Like I wanted to know. You waited for a week! But then you said, you were avoiding him and didn't like how he was flirting with you. Okay, I understand. I don't mind that. Just next time please tell me once someone tries to flirt with you Then things got worse. You told me you thought about having feelings for one of them Future Shock guys for a day. WTF!?!? you thought about having feelings?! that's pretty much saying you did. My heart broke after you said that. It still is partially broken. This is why I don't trust you. I don't know when you are going to eventually give up and take the easy way out and go for one of them. No I don't think you're a cheater or a hoe. I don't know why you think that, I really don't think you are. I just am hurt you thought about having feelings for someone else besides me. Then you said you realized that you only liked me and me only. Which is good. I feel that whole situation was left unsaid. Now, this upcoming weekend some of the guys are sleeping over at your house. I don't feel comfortable with it, but that doesn't mean I don't trust you. Geeez. I just don't like it, but like I said I will get over it. I know nothing will happen. I know you aren't like that. Right now I'm still hurt.

But you choose to give me another try. I'm glad about that. But we have so much to work on. Everything needs to be said between us. We both need to come to an understanding about each other. We're two completely different people going through difficult times in our lives and we both need to understand each other. We need to work on communicating so much better. I can trust you again, I'm serious. If everything doesn't get better anytime soon, I don't know how much longer we, or us, can last. Somethings need to change. It sucks that we're both apart from each other. I don't see you but for only like once or twice a month. I can't call you on the phone, and if you do its only for a minute or less. I can't hang out with just you. Long distance relationship sucks. But I got into it because of you. I love you. I feel like you're worth it at. I put everything down on the line just for you. You are the only thing I ever worked hard for. I stay persistent all the time, I don't do that for anything else. I give up at everything if I don't naturally do good at it. With you, I can constantly working to better myself so that we can work. I try to do everything I can do so you can be happy. You changed my life.

But is this true love? Will it work out in the end and get better?
Or will it falter? Was this just our first love? Will we just end up as friends like how we did the first time?
I guess only time will tell.